To celebrate Pride this month, we’ve teamed up with the very talented Murat Seyfi at The Homo Post to bring you this guest article on what questions to avoid when meeting same sex parents, and what to say instead! Nobody likes to put their foot in it, so here Murat reminds us of what is okay and what’s overstepping the mark.
1 – “WHO’S THE MUMMY AND WHO’S THE DADDY?”
Trying to put LGBTQ+ people into heteronormative roles is never cute – regardless of whether they’re parents or not. For example, two male-presenting people who identify as men are both father-figures.
Asking ‘Who’s the mum’ is rude. Are you suggesting that they can only be successful parents if they assume hetero roles? If you ask, expect their eyes to roll so far back that they can see the exit behind them.
Same-sex parents will probably find alternative names for each other just for clarity after all, there are so many to chose from! Mum, Mummy, Ma, Mother, Dad, Daddy, Father, Pa, Papa and so many more. Maybe one mother is German and the other English? Mutti & Mum.
Don’t worry – they’ve got this.👌🏼
2 – “BUT WHICH ONE OF YOU IS THEIR REAL PARENT?”
This has got to be the WORST thing you can say to same-sex parents. Just like with different-sex parents who adopt, it might be the case that neither parent is biologically linked to the child. Having different DNA doesn’t make them less qualified to be parents.
Asking this question will likely make one or both of the parents feel humiliated and as though they are not enough. If the parents decide to tell you of their own accord at some point in your friendship, that’s up to them, but if not, don’t ask and don’t worry yourself – that child is being showered with love and that’s all that matters.
Also they might BOTH be their biological parents! One (or both) parents could be trans. The contents of their underwear is none of our business.
Just respect their parenthood, like you would with anyone else, and chill. 😎
3 – “ISN’T IT A SHAME THAT THEY DON’T HAVE A….?”
Having two mums or two dads doesn’t mean there’s anything missing from their family.
Single parents have shown us that it doesn’t matter how many parents you have or what gender they are – unconditional love is all that matters.
It’s the same with orientation. Who they like to have romantic or sexual relationships with doesn’t affect their parenting skills and honestly, it’s none of our business. Let’s all just smile and celebrate that their child is lucky enough to be loved by two parents.
4 – “HOW DID YOU DO IT?”
Unconditional love, support and nurture are the building blocks of good parenting – it doesn’t matter who jizzed into a cup or who turkey basted who.
Intimate details about the conception or birth of any parent’s children is private. No parent needs to explain or justify how they came to be parents.
If you’re a close friend they’ve probably shared that information with you already. It’s not your place to ask.
5 – “AREN’T YOU WORRIED THAT THEY’LL GROW UP GAY?”
Having same-sex parents doesn’t mean their child is more likely to be LGBTQ+. It’s absolutely possible however that their children will grow up in a safe, supportive and open enough environment that if they are LGBTQ+ they’ll be a lot more comfortable with telling their parents about it. What a lucky kid! ❤️
So, there you have it! 5 of the most annoying phrases same-sex couples hate to hear and how to avoid them! Everyone is entitled to their happy-ever-after no matter how they identify themselves, and what their family structure looks like. It’s up to each and every one of us to normalise inclusion, diversity and equality. Spread love not hate.
To celebrate love, whatever form it takes, we will be donating £1 of every Choozify Nappy Selection Box bought in June to FFLAG who work hard to support LGBTQ+ families. These boxes are great gifts for new parents, or for those tired of poor fitting nappies. You get two nappy samples of each brand, in your chosen size, to try on before deciding which brands to buy in bulk. Free standard delivery to all parts of the UK. Click here for more info: www.nappyselectionbox.com